Shaken Not Stirred
Turns out James Bond wasn’t as much "the man" as first thought.
Disclaimer: I am not responsible for any adverse reactions to this post. If you have a weak stomach and have had a bad experience with gin, it is advised you discontinue reading immediately. I am not responsible for nausea associated with the smell of gin or that of green olives. You know who you are, consider yourself warned. That means you Greg!
It has come to my attention that the famous line from all James Bond movies, "…martini, shaken not stirred.", really was a way to tell everyone that good ole Mr. Bond couldn’t handle a stiff drink. When you shake a martini the ice melts more then if it is stirred. Thus a shaken martini is more watered down. Also, when shaken it becomes cloudy and has small ice chips floating in the glass. One of the great things about a martini, is how clear and clean it looks. When shaken it takes away some of the elegance that defines this drink.
What is worse is that in newer Bond movies he orders a "Vodka" martini. Vodka? My God, were the writers insane? Nothing like taking one of the coolest guys and turning him into a wuss. I know that you vodka martini drinkers think you are of the same caliber, but considering that premium gin is 96 proof and vodka is only 80 pretty much sums it up. Plus, vodka has no taste so all you are drinking is watered down grain alcohol. The Russians would be so disappointed!
And if you are one of those dirty or filthy people, just go ahead and get yourself another drink. Stop insulting the gin by putting olive brine in your drink to mask the taste. Besides you are paying top money for the gin so why replace it with something that is essentially free for the bar. Nothing looks worse then a pale, cloudy, puke green martini.
My ordering recommendation: extra dry Sapphire martini (stirred not shaken) with a single olive, two being the absolute maximum. Bartenders please take note, "extra dry" does not mean no olives!! I wish I knew which idiot started that rumor.
Technorati Tags: bar, bond, food, gin, james, martini, Rants, sapphire, vodka
March 31st, 2006 at 4:12 pm
I would like to thank you for bringing up TWO painful subjects in one post…Martini’s and Fighting. Your wife is a bad influence on you, and I WILL be calling you multiple times tonight for no reason.
April 3rd, 2006 at 2:16 pm
I told you Cabbage is a crybaby.
April 3rd, 2006 at 3:20 pm
I’d just like to say that it was ME that got Steve drinking martinis. There’s something rather ironic about the fact that I taught my older brother something about drinking….
April 3rd, 2006 at 3:23 pm
haha, so true! I guess corruption can happen at any age.
April 5th, 2006 at 2:26 pm
Nice try…However, if you were up-to-date on your Bond he states that vodka has less alcohol (poison) content and therefore less intoxicating, then goes on to say that because good vodka is distilled through charcoal it is also one of the healthiest drinks and less likly to cloud your judgement, important in his line of work, would’nt you say? Or do you just enjoy pushing your gin swill around?
April 5th, 2006 at 2:38 pm
I do like pushing my “gin swill” around, but good point. I “was” informed that Bond always ordered a vodka martini, but never told that there was an actual reason. Thanks for the comment.