It’s always nice to see new church sign generators popping up on the web. This one has some great features including a way in upload your own photo. So get out there and take your own photo of the church you love the most.

Church Sign Sign Generator (Parody) Free Hookers at Saturday Night’s Service

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If this isn’t krazy kool krap I don’t know what is….
Thanks Shantae!!!

The other night, not being able to fall asleep, I turn on the TV in search of a late night baseball game.  It was late so I knew my chances of finding a baseball game were pretty slim.  That’s when I stumbled on the US Paintball Championships on ESPN2.  Yes, that’s right paintball!  Never in a million years would I have tuned into a sport where people run around trying to shoot other people with little balls filled with paint.  It’s not so much the sport itself, it’s just that the way they  "twiddle" their fingers to fire the gun faster that makes it look pretty stupid.

As a kid, I was a big fan of playing war.  We had "the gully" right behind my house which was a wooded area great for wartime simulation.  We would setup forts, booby traps, and have the time of our lives pretending to kill each other all day long.  You would figure that paintball would be right up my ally.  Yeah… not so much.

One day while over a close friend’s house, we were playing some war games in his backyard.  We were dressed up in full camouflage and running around with our toy guns killing every imaginary "bad guy" we could find.  All of a sudden my friend shrieks in pain and drops to the ground.  I look and there is an orange spot on his back.  He yells for me to get down.  I have no idea what is going on and all of a sudden I’m a little scared.  He yells, "It’s my dad, he’s in the window, get down!!".  I look up at the second story window where my friend’s dad is poised with his paintball gun tracking my every movement.  I’m only 10 and have never even seen a paintball gun before but from the sound that my friend made on the way down I figure out pretty quick that it’s gonna hurt.  So, screaming like a little girl, I started running around the back yard jumping and flailing about like a krazy person.  He misses his first two shots, I imagine because of how hard he was laughing at how I was acting.  The third shot is right on and hits me in the upper thigh.  I fall to the ground in pain thinking, "Real war sucks!"  What I should have been thinking is, "What kind of dad shoots his kid and his kid’s friend with a freakin’ paintball gun.  I’m gonna sue this bastard for everything he is worth."  Needless to say my taste for paintball ended at an early age.

While paintball surely isn’t my thing, I did find watching it slightly addicting.  Funny thing is that you can find the current standings and schedule on the official National Professional Paintball League, but there is no information on ESPN whatsoever.  I guess they are too busy keeping up with "real" sports like poker.

Wrong, but funny!

I love stupid websites that let you create stupid things.  Today I have discovered the Church Sign Generator website.  I have been making my own personal church signs for the last hour.  It’s dumb I know, but oddly addicting.  Send me yours and I will post it here.

The wife out does me everytime.

Submitted by Shantae Jones
The Best Reason to Visit Florida

There have been some memorable moments that have occured on March 14Th.  Chris Klein, Albert Einstein and Billy Crystal share this day as their birthday. On this very day Eli Whitney received a patent for the cotton gin.  Oh, and if you needed something to celebrate then you can always turn to Pi Day.  March 14Th, written 3-14 represents the most common set of numbers for π: 3.14.  How krazy exciting is that?  OK, maybe not, but you know what other holiday falls on March 14Th? 

Steak and BlowJob Day!!!! woohoo!!

That’s right!  This day was created in 2001 to give the ladies in our life a chance to show us how much they love us.  I mean it’s only fair considering that Valentines day has always been for the ladies.  Just imagine how much harder we will try to get your Valentines present right knowing that within a month we are celebrating Steak and BJ day.

Check out the official webpage for great recipes to cook that steak. By the way guys… don’t forget the Semenex.  With "Love never tasted so good" as their motto how could you go wrong?

"Semenex is where to go for delicious sperm guaranteed. Finally, an answer to the ‘I don’t like the taste’ argument."     -  MAXIM  Magazine

From me to all other men in the world, "Happy Steak and BJ day!!"

Yes, I’m addicted. Maybe I’m just making a huge deal out of nothing. When I said Amazon was the one-stop-shop of the Internet, I really had no idea. Over the last few days I have been amazed by the products available from Amazon. I thought I had found it all last night when I stumbled on Chicken Poop lip balm. Too bad it’s not really made from chicken poop. Its just a normal, everyday lip moisturizer that costs a fortune.

Totally intrigued by the marketing strategy of Chicken Poop, I set out this morning to find other products with a similar strategy. Introducing Boy Butter! Boy Butter as you can probably imagine is a personal lubricant. It’s made by a company called Boy Butter Lubes (original eh?) and is available in 16, 18, and 4 oz. tubs.  It will soon also be available in a mustard shaped bottle just in case the butter one wasn’t weird enough.  There must be something sexy about applying lube from condiment containers.

Still not convinced?  Take it from the founder of Boy Butter Lubes, Eyal Feldman:

When you feel that silky boy buttery goodness on your skin all your troubles will melt away.  "Try Squeezing a little Boy Butter into your tight agenda today!"
  — Eyal Feldman, founder of Boy Butter Lubes

Just from the look of it I figure this should only be used by trained professionals.  For those of you not familiar with this device:

A vaginal speculum, developed by J. Marion Sims, consists of a hollow cylinder with a rounded end that is divided into two hinged parts, somewhat like the beak of a duck. The speculum is inserted into the vagina to dilate it for examination of the vagina and cervix.

Oh did I mention there was a review?

I use this speculum on my regular spelunking expeditions with my woman. She loves it.

Does it get any better then this?

Everyone knows that Walmart (especially the super-sized ones) are known as the one-stop-shop.  You can buy everything from furniture to produce.  Need baby clothes and maybe a rifle?  Yep, they have that too.  There isn’t much that you can’t find at Walmart, except maybe music albums containing explicit lyrics.

Recently I was on Amazon just looking around and I find out that they sell Oscar Meyer Bologna?!?  I was totally unaware that Amazon sold bologna or any other food products for that matter.  Then I look to the side bar at the featured item. 

Any guesses?

Yep, it’s fresh whole rabbit.  Now from the reviews (no shit, there were two of them) it doesn’t look like I will be ordering rabbit from Amazon anytime soon.

I had anticipated receiving this item as a gift this Christmas, but from my first sight of the actual product, was disappointed. The flesh had taken on an unhealthy color, whether that is from inefficient shipping or disease I don’t know. I prepared the rabbit in a spaghetti and found that a sour flavor that I had never encountered before in rabbit meat had contaminated the dish. I do not recommend anyone else purchase this product and will not again myself.

Who the hell asks for dead animals for Christmas anyways?  I love to cook, but I think that is taking it a little over the top.  Another great find that he should ask for next Christmas might be an elk carcass or maybe some wild boar babyback ribs.  After all, as long as he has his trusty anal douche (with glow-in-the-dark spike) he should be good to go and with a review like this how could one go wrong?

I used to be a non doucher but now love that clean feeling so much that I even do it at work. The easy carry bulb fits nicely in my laptop bag in between my power adapter and lunch.

If that review isn’t enough then maybe Rob "Bareback" can convince you of the benefits of anal douching.

I give this item a complete 5 star. Cleansing out prior to sex is very very important. Easy to handle and clean and store away. I recommend luke water with a touch of mineral oil when cleasing. It will keep the anus inner "walls" well lubricated for penetration. I truly recommend this item.

Amazon is truly the Internet’s one-stop-shop, and also a great place for keeping me entertained early on a Monday morning.